Arguments in marriage

Sadly, it’s human nature that we often hurt most the ones we love the most and are the closest to. People who are married often argue with their partner more than with anyone else! If you’re having problems with arguing in your marriage, then of course all the above pointers will apply. But here are some extra tips:

Opera tenor Jan Pierce, after being married nearly 50 years, said: “My wife and I made an agreement long ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other! When one is letting off steam, the other should listen–because when two people are peeved and trying to get their point across at the same time, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations!”

Do not walk out in the middle of an argument. And, “never let the sun go down upon your wrath!”–Ephesians 4:26.

Continually remind yourself of all the positive things about your partner! List all of their good qualities, the reasons for which you married him/her in the first place. Then put the list in your wallet or purse and go over it every time you get irritated with him/her!

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything has any virtue or is praiseworthy–think about THESE things!”–Philippians 4:8.

One wife who admitted that she constantly criticised her husband and caused almost daily quarrels, gives this advice: “After praying that God would stop our arguing, He showed me that HE is the Author of my husband’s personality, and that what I viewed as faults are really the means God uses to make me cling closer to Him for solutions! Since then I’ve begun to trust God, through my prayers, that He is able to make any alterations to my husband if they are needed!”

If you have a major discussion on an important topic coming up, try to arrange a time and place where you won’t be interrupted.–For instance, after the children have gone to bed, and not during dinner.

Parents do not usually succeed in hiding disagreements and arguments from their children. Let them know that you do disagree sometimes and that all family members will have times of disagreement. But it’s nothing that can’t be resolved through quiet discussion and prayer. Keep in mind that your children will learn their pattern for disagreeing and arguing from you!

To have a few occasional personality clashes is understandable, but LOVE NEVER FAILS, and these should be healed through humility, love and the oil of God’s Spirit!

Marriage should be as equal as possible, and as sharing as possible. You should talk together, pray together, love together, discuss together and then decide and agree together! But when it comes to having the last word, if he’s a Christian and is trying to serve the Lord and do what’s right, the husband is the boss when it comes to decisions about the home and family. God’s Word clearly says that women should obey their husbands.–Ephesians 5:22-24,33; 1Corinthians 11:3,8-9; 1Peter 3:1,5-6. If most Christian wives would do this, there would be a lot less fusses, disagreements and arguments! And if you can’t trust your husband, at least you can trust the Lord!

In fact, you BOTH have to trust the Lord if you’re going to have peace, unity and harmony in the home! If you can’t trust your wife or your husband, at least trust the Lord and HE’LL work things out somehow!


  • Eddie

    This is great: The trouble in marriage often starts when the man is so busy earning his salt that he forgets his honey.

    Very proffesional email. I am much impressed.

    June 4, 2012

    Thank you for the advice. Read and understood. My weakness was to want to have the last say.

    May 6, 2013

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